


Pokemon Alpha Sapphire: Oversimplified

by lemonspokemonbullsit



Series: Pokemon: Oversimplified [1]
Category: Pocket Monsters: Omega Ruby & Alpha Sapphire | Pokemon Omega Ruby & Alpha Sapphire Versions
Genre: Pokemon: oversimplified
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-31
Updated: 2020-08-01
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:47:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25636021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lemonspokemonbullsit/pseuds/lemonspokemonbullsit
Summary: just a stupid thing me and a friend came up with lmao
Series: Pokemon: Oversimplified [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1858372
Comments: 4
Kudos: 19





	1. Main Story

So the story starts the same as Omega Ruby. You’e in the back of a moving van. Great parenting, mom  
Anyways as you stumble out of the truck, probably carsick, your mom tells you to come into the house! That’s nice aaaand she kicked us out. Great.

You break and enter your neighbor’s house, who happens to be a kid named Brendan’s! He has a funny hat. He’s also the professor’s son but that’s irrelevant.

You hear screaming and think “hey, is somebody being murdered?” but no it’s just the fucking professor being chased in a circle by a level 2 Poochyena. Pathetic.

Anyways you get the choice of three pokemon. You choose Torchic because chickens are the bane of God. You beat the Poochyena in like 3 seconds because it’s level 2 and then you yell at the professor for being a dumbass. He lets you keep the hell bird out of fear. Brendan gets the Axolotl.

You and Brendan decide to go out and face the world! As rivals! I’m gonna kick your and your amphibian's ass

Your parents get called (not that they give a fuck, they shoved you in the back of a van) and get a Pokedex from the “professor”. You head out to the Petalburg gym to fight the gym leader there and HOLY SHIT IT’S YOUR DAD  
As you recover from the shock that you are not fatherless, somebody walks in. And you get hit by a truck because of how absolutely babey this kid is. SERIOUSLY LOOK AT HIM

He asks you to help him catch his first Pokemon and you agree because you’ve only known Wally for 5 seconds but if anything happened to him you’d kill everyone in the region and then yourself. He catches a Ralts with the help of your dad’s Linoone and you continue on your way to the actual first gym in Rustboro City.

In Petalburg Forest, there is yet another Poochyena chasing a scientist. If you had a nickel for every time that happened, you’d have 2 nickels, which isn’t a lot but it’s weird that it’s happened twice now. But this Poochyena had a trainer.

The trainer was dressed like a pirate wannabe. You beat his ass pretty quick with your death chicken. Some girl pirate wannabe said something over a weird walkie talkie to her boss but that isn’t you business so you went on you way.

You challenge the Rustboro Rock type gym leader, Roxanne- nope. No we do not allow puns, her name is Tsutsuji. And we peck her rock’s eyes out.

Now the scientist from earlier is back. Jesus christ what do you want now- oh the company you work for was robbed? Do I care? 

The answer was no so you continue on to Rusturf Tunnel. Some dude said that the pirate wannabes stole his Peeko. What the fuck is a Peeko  
Anyways you rescue the Peeko, get the shit back, and talk to the president of Devon Corp. He asks you to be his errand boy and forces you to accept or your family will lose all of their money. Good thing the old man has a boat.

You have to beat the Dewford Town gym leader, a Fighting type specialist named Brawly- how many name puns are there in this fucking game. Fine. We’ll call him fucking Brawly. I don’t care anymore.

After you beat Brawly, you can go into the cave where the recipient of the letter is. What is the guy, a hermit?

Nope he’s a very attractive man in a suit god help me. He tells you about the legend of of Hoenn (not that you’re listening) and tells you that you could be the champion some day. Nice. 

The old man takes you to Slateport City and there’s the fucking pirate wannabes again. They’re surrounding the Oceanic Museum. You’ll come back later, when they’re done being lame. 

You take the package that you were given to this man called Captain Stern. Except he’s not in the shipyard like he’s supposed to be, no, he’s in the fucking museum!

You go into the museum and you kick the asses of the pirate wannabes. And then the ULTIMATE PIRATE WANNABE shows up, vagues about wanting to flood the world, and leaves. Okay then.

You give the package to Stern (finally) and leave to go to Mauville. Or you would have if this girl in a fluffy outfit didn’t stop you. Her name is Lisia, and she’s apparently a contest idol. You don’t care about contests, so you leave. You battle Brendan and get into Mauville City. 

Awww, it’s Wally! You battle him and absolutely destroy him. You then battle the Electric leader, Wattson- I’m going to go apeshit. You then go to Verdanturf, and clear the rocks from Rusturf Tunnel, so you can go back and forth from Rustboro and Verdanturf. Nice.

Then you leave and go to Fiery Path, and enter Fallarbor Town. Somewhere inbetween getting to Fallarbor from Mauville you run into Brendan again, who gives you the HM Strength and tells you about Professor Cozmo. He sounds like a nerd.

Inside the Pokemon Center in Fallarbor, you meet a woman named Lanette. She invites you to her house! But you’ve got better things to do. Brendan tells you that Professor Cozmo was kidnapped by team Aqua and is currently in Meteor Falls! Wait, who’s Team Aqua- OH RIGHT the pirate wannabes. 

Brendan helps you kick the asses of a woman who’s dressed like a slutty diver and a Team Aqua grunt. They’ve apparently stolen a meteorite from Professor Cozmo. Then some weird people show up in onesies- aren’t you grown adults? Not that I’m judging it’s just kinda strange. Apparently these new people are apart of Team Magma. Goddammit not another team, this is going to give you gray hair, and you’re not even a teenager. 

They bully Team Aqua into taking the meteorite to Mt. Chimney, and tell you “not to interfere.” Well now you know exactly what you’re going to do.

On top of Mt. Chimney- wait. Wait Mt. Chimney’s a volcano. You can just jump in right now and end all of your misery! But you don’t because your fire chicken would miss you. You fight slutty diver again, who calls you cute by the way, and then you find the ULTIMATE PIRATE WANNABE once again. For some reason he wants the meteorite to turn into a Mega Stone. Like bro be grateful for what you have.

Then you battle him. The pirate man is then told that there is an easier way to achieve turning the entire planet into the Mariana Trench. Great! He gives you the meteorite and nopes out of there. Well what do we do with this giant rock now.

You go down from the volcano and reach Lavaridge Town. The gym leader there is named Flannery, and she specializes in Fire types. After beating her, you meet Brendan again who gives you goggles to protect you from the sand rendering your eyes useless. How thoughtful!

He then tells you to go beat the shit out of your dad. Will do. 

After you finish doing that, Wally’s dad give you the HM Surf. Thanks, I guess. 

You then meet the hot man in a suit again. Your lovely conversation was rudely interrupted by a Latios. Oh, he needs help? I really don’t give a shit. 

He takes you and Steven to the Southern Island, where a man named Matt is. He’s very buff and has no shirt- oh he’s with the pirates. Okay. 

Turns out Matt was terrorizing Latios’ sister! Well why didn’t he just say so, and I might have cared a bit more! Latias decides to become your Pokemon and gives you a Mega Stone. Steven gives you a matching bracelet to go with it, how sweet! Latios then takes you back to the route that you were on. 

You reach the Weather Institute, which is being attacked by the pirates. What the fuck do they want this time. Oh, information on Kyogre. You see the slutty diver yet again, and beat her in a Pokemon battle. The scientists give you Castform, a little gray ball who changed with the weather. After you leave the institute, Brendan battles you again, and gives you HM Fly. Finally, a form of efficient travel.

You get to Fortree City, an 8 year old’s dream home. You can’t challenge the gym because something is blocking the entrance. Fucking rude. So you go to the next route and see Steven again! He gives you a Devon Scope and notices the meteorite you rescued from Team Aqua is glowing. I swear to god if this is a Pokemon egg-

The Devon Scope lets you see that it was a rude ass gecko who was blocking you! So you squish it. You beat Winona, the Flying type leader, and your quest to save the world or something continues. You notice some Team Aqua grunts talking about some place named Mt. Pyre. When you get to Lilycove City, it’s like 90% Team Aqua grunts. That’s unfortunate. You fight Brendan again, and he notices that the meteorite is shining just like Steven did. That’s weird. 

You head to Mt. Pyre, which is surprisingly not a volcano. At the top of the mountain, you run into Archie, who’s stealing a blue rock from some elderly people. Dude are you okay? Are you okay in the head? Matt fucking straight up attacks you, and the elderly couple just. Watches. And then after you’re done beating up a buff man in his 30s, you get a red rock. Okay.

You have to go back to Slateport, and you find out that Captain Stern has found an undersea cavern. Team Aqua is definitely not going to go there, you think, completely sarcastically. They steal a submarine, and Archie tells you that the hideout is in Lilycove. That’s convenient, don’t you think?

You get into the hideout, beat up a bunch of grown adults, and get a Master Ball that can catch any god. You’re probably gonna sell it. Matt fights you to stall you so Archie can escape in the submarine. 

You ride on one of your Pokemon that can go on water, because you have one, right? You should. You challenge the twin gym leaders of Mossdeep City, Tate and Liza. A pillar of light comes from route- what, is Godzilla there? -and Steven invites you to his house. Thank you Steven your home is wonderful.

He gives you HM Dive and some scuba gear. You find the Seafloor Cavern, where Team Aqua is. In the deepest part of the cave, you find Archie taunting a nerd in a full body turtleneck onesie. Honestly what are these adult’s fashion choices. You fight Archie, and then Shelly runs up and warns Archie against waking up an elder god of the sea. Listen to her, man. What is it with evil teams and meddling with the affairs of the gods. 

Archie doesn’t listen, and uses the blue rock to awaken- oh god. It’s a giant whale. 

The whale breaks out of the cavern and starts to wreck havoc across the land with storms and flooding. Archie if I die I’m blaming you.

The nerd explains that Archie can’t control Kyogre in it’s primal state, because, y’know, it’s a fucking god. Archie was shocked and horrified with this news. How stupid can you be, Archie?

The nerd and Archie leave to try to stop Mr. Angry Whale God. Steven shows up and tells you to catch Kyogre in Sootopolis City. How the fuck am I gonna do that- oh right I have a Master Ball. You dive underwater to find the entrance to Sootopolis City. You find Steven, and are introduced to his friend Wallace- holy shit is he a male stripper? This man looks like a model for Victoria’s Secret.

Wallace is also apparently the protector of the Cave of Origin. Strange job for a man who probably owns a Valentino white bag. When you get to the cave’s entrance, you see Maxie, Archie, Shelly, and Tabitha, as well as Brendan, who came when he saw this whole thing on TV. Are you telling me, you beanie boy, that you didn’t notice the fucking tropical storm that’s happening around us?

You get the Aqua Suit and are told that the red rock that you have can weaken the whale. Okay. Everyone gives you a few words of encouragement, and you go into the cave. I’m 12 years old, why am I being forced to do this- AND I’M RIDING ON THE BACK OF A GOD.

You watch the Primal Reversion, and fight it! Just kidding you chuck the Master Ball at it you’re not risking your fucking life! Now the whale is sitting in the box with the other unused Pokemon that you caught. The weather seems to go back to normal, and Steven gives you the Eon Flute and Brendan tells you that he’s impressed with you. Yeah okay dude, now leave me alone.

After you beat Wallace, you go back to Littleroot Town to see Professor Birch. He said something about Pokemon that used to live in Hoenn are coming back due to the climate change and blah blah blah you didn’t care. You leave to go challenge the Pokemon League in Ever Grande City! You see Wally at the end of Victory Road, and beat him again. Okay that time actually made me feel bad, sorry kiddo.

The Elite 4 are the strongest trainers in the region, and you beat them easily because you’re just that good. You face Steven, because apparently he’s the Champion. And you win! You’re the Champion now! That’s great dude, high five!

Brendan challenges you to a battle one last time when you return home. And you beat him because you’re the Champion now, haHA IN YOUR FACE!

Your mom and dad also have tickets to a meteor show, but they can’t go. Wonder if that’s plot relevant?


	2. Delta Episode

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Delta Episode: Oversimplified

Ooh, look, a cutscene!

Looks like a meteoroid is gonna crash onto the planet and kill everyone! Well isn’t that just peachy! Looks like Professor Cozmo’s gonna have to find a way to stop it, because you’re not fucking helping!

Oh damn, a Team Aqua grunt? No, she has a cape. Team Aqua doesn’t wear capes. Also she has a Whismur named Aster. Apparently the meteoroid is going to land very soon. Good! Life on this world is futile anyway! 

Oh. Wait. She said that by risking your life and catching Kyogre fucked things up. Yeah fuck her. She wants a Key Stone to revive Rayquaza, which, uh, might not end well. Maybe you should consider that, Zinnia.

You wake up in your room back in Littleroot Town, with your Skitty plush on the floor. Take some time to mourn this loss before going downstairs. Your mom and dad are talking, and your dad gives you tickets to the meteor shower show and suggests that Brendan comes with you. Thanks, dad! But no. Beanie boy can stay away from me. I’m taking Wally.

Sadly taking Wally isn’t a choice. You leave your house and BOOM Zinnia’s there! Please leave the premises, ma’am. I don’t care that you know that I can Mega Evolve Pokemon now go away.

Oh wow she actually left.

Turns out she stole Brendan’s Key Stone and beat him up! Like god, I didn’t like Brendan that much but SERIOUSLY she didn’t have to beat you up, man!

Zinnia is heading to Petalburg City, and Brendan tells you to be careful. I’m the goddamn CHAMPION, I don’t HAVE to be careful!

You get to Petalburg City, and find that Wally is being harassed by Matt. I DON’T CARE THAT HE’S TWICE MY SIZE LET ME FUCKING DESTROY THIS MAN I’M GOING TO TEAR HIM TO PIECES-

Matt was looking for Wally’s Key Stone, which apparently went missing. Matt then proceeds to battle you for YOUR Key Stone. Like dude you saw me catch a god why are you even trying. Matt them leaves for Meteor Falls. Steven then calls you, telling you to come to Rustboro City. Okay king will do. 

You meet up with Steven outside of Devon Corp. He takes you upstairs to meet his dad, who is about to tell you a “back in my day” story. Actually no he tells you the tale of AZ but that’s a character for another oversimplification. Something to do with Infinity Energy.

The asteroid that is about to absolutely explode the planet is planned on being stopped with a rocket, which is kinda stupid but okay. You have to go into Granite Cave to get a Meteorite Shard, which is like the triple a battery for their rocket. Steven has to go to th Mossdeep Space Center to start preparing for doomsday.

When you get to the cave, you’ll find Zinnia and her tiny Whismur in the room that you first met Steven in. Apparently her ancestors made the wall art. Tell them that they were very good artists 10/10 would buy. Zinnia then battles you, and when you beat her she gives you a Meteorite Shard, and asks you about your motives. I dunno man, I’m 12. After she leaves, Steven calls you and asks you to hurry over to the Space Center. Don’t mind if I do, I don’t want to be in caves anymore.

When you get to the second floor of the good ol Space House, you’ll find Steven and Professor Cozmo. After giving the Professor the rock, he’ll explain the plan to change the meteor’s course. Not link you’re listening. You have the Mii theme playing in your head. Something about portals and life energy.

Zinnia interrupts the explanation to tell the group that doing that will only repeat past mistakes. Cool. She’s disappointed in us. Uncool. Babe I’m the Champion.

Zinnia leaves, and the Professor continues his boring explanation so you zone out again.you caught that you needed another rock, this time from Meteor Falls. You follow Steven in going there because I mean. It’s Steven.

When you finally get to Meteor Falls with sore feet and a bad attitude, you’ll find Steven and an old woman behind a waterfall. Oooh, spooky. She’s apparently the descendant of dragon fuckers. Didn’t need to know that-

She knows a lot about Rayquaza, and tells us about how back in the day a meteor was gonna destroy Hoenn- kinda like now! -and some person called the Lorekeeper would offer up a “wish” to Rayquaza- like what, you wished for a pony? That’s kinda lame, bro. With the pony wish, Rayquaza mega evolved. How the fuck does that even work, lady?

The Lorekeeper is the person who knows all about the sky noodle, like how to summon it and stuff if the world was in danger again. *looks at the events of XY* Well they clearly didn’t do that good of a job if Kalos happened before this-

Zinnia is the current Lorekeeper, and she was the one who taught Team Aqua how to revive Kyogre and was going to use it to summon Rayquaza- wait. Zinnia is the cause of all of my problems. This all would have been stopped if I just found her and took her out. Like seriously.

Steven is in shock- me too, man, jeez Zinnia. Like I know that I’m chaotic but GOD. The woman says that balance is needed and everyone will have to make a sacrifice in the end. I vote Zinnia who’s with me *cricket chirps* okay then. 

Steven goes back to Devon Corp, and you follow because you have nothing better to do. 

Back in Rustboro, Team Aqua shows up again, chasing another scientist. Jesus christ what is it with you guys and harassing scientists- the scientist explains that Matt stole the Link Cable device, which is a dimensional shifter- YOU GUYS NEVER TOLD ME THAT YOU HAD A DIMENSIONAL SHIFTER IN YOUR HOUSE BITCH WHAT THE FUCK? Matt’s headed for Mossdeep Space Center, where Steven is. Damn Steven sure does move fast.

As you get closer to the Space Center, you see Matt and a group of Aqua grunts while they make a move on the Space Center. Please guys get a room I’m tired and just want to sleep. When you get into the Space Center, people are huddling in the corner out of fear while Team Aqua grunts block the stairs to the second floor. You beat them easily and find Matt confronting Professor Cozmo- oh hey I forgot about you -and Steven.

Matt’s upsetti spaghetti that I beat Archie and caught Shamu, and decided that he wanted to detonate the rocket, which holds more power than the Ultimate Weapon that giant man AZ made, to destroy the world. Jesus christ could you tone it down a notch, bro? You and Steven fight and destroy him.

After you beat the buff pirate, Aster the liddol Whismur shows up and yoinks the dimensional shifter before you can yoink it away from Matt. Fucking adorable thief-

Zinnia shows up and says that while the dimensional shifter could save our planet, it could destroy another because it doesn’t have the technology to stop it. Honestly Zinnia I don’t care. 

But Zinnia does so she crushes the dimensional shifter with her bare hands. Holy fuck. Steven and Professor Cozmo are horribly upset, but you keep that blank expression that says “I want to fucking die. End me please.” Zinnia says that she’ll be able to protect both worlds, which seems weird but okay.

Zinnia steals Matt’s Key Stone, and then leaves to go steal Archie’s. I’m assuming that you’re gonna make me go stop her- yeah I thought so I’ll be going now.

When you get to the hideout, a bunch of grunts battle you because they’re scared of you, I guess? I dunno I’m just copy-pasting the Bulbapedia summary and making it funny.

When you get to Archie’s room, Zinnia’s already defeated him. It’s not that big of a deal, anyone can beat the pirate man. She steals his Key Stone and tells you to follow her to Sky Pillar. Your feet are tired and you need a nap but you can’t fucking take one because this world is hell!

But you can’t leave just yet because Shelly gives you a Mega Stone because Archie can’t use it anymore. Thanks, stripper lady. 

Steven calls you and you tell him the shit that went down without him. He says that he’s “beginning to understand” and tells you to go to the Space Center. Again. What are you beginning to understand, Steven? Just fucking tell me! I have nothing left to lose!

You go to the Space Center, and Steven tells you that only a Lorekeeper can enter the Sky Pillar. You could have told me this on the phone, Steven. Also, Wallace is a Lorekeeper. Wait, so you’re telling me that your male stripper gym leader friend is also a Lorekeeper? Is he okay? Does he need a break? That’s a lot of jobs to handle at once. Steven decides to stay with the professor to help him come up with a plan to stop the meteoroid. He tells you to go find Wallace in Sootopolis.

When you find Wallace, he explains that as a descendant of the ancient people of Sootopolis blah blah blah you’re not listening anyways. The Sky Pillar is an altar for Rayquaza, and only Draconids know how to summon Rayquaza. Yeah I think I knew that last part already, buddy.

He tells you that he’s going to the Sky Pillar and that he wants you to follow. And you do because you have nothing better to do with your life. When you get there, Wallace has already undone the deal and battles you. You win. 

He tells you that he can’t follow. Okay. That’s fine. You wouldn’t last a second in this tower, Mr. WAWHA- LIPST- YOU SPILLED LIPSTICK IN MY VALENTINO WHITE BAG?

Not long after you enter the tower, you’ll find Zinnia waiting for you. How long have you been standing there, dude? Are your legs tired? I don’t care about the history of your people are you okay?

Then there’s a whole monologue about the history of Hoenn and why Rayquaza was worshiped but I mean you’re just gonna catch it and name it Noodle Boy anyway. AZ shows up again in the story (why is this guy everywhere?) but that’s the only important part I feel like I should highlight. Also it was after that the Draconids built this tower. It’s cool that it was able to stay intact this long, though. The Draconids also predicted this apocalypse. Thanks, I guess?

When you arrive on the top of the tower, you’ll find Zinnia. She tells you that a person close to her, not her Whismur, named Aster died not too long ago. Then she sucker punches you. This bitch beat up a 12 year old, not cool man. When you wake up, she’s ready to summon the worm on a string sky god.

Zinnia successfully summons Rayquaza, but it can’t Mega Evolve because the meteors inside of it have lost it’s strength. Oh, the rock that you had to protect all those solid 5 days ago is plot relevant! Rayquaza eats the rock, and you catch it. You name it Pasta Noodle. 

Zinnia teaches Pasta Noodle the move Dragon Ascent and battles you one last time, fulfilling her duties. Honestly Zinnia I think I would have done a better job than you at this whole Lorekeeper thing.

After you beat Zinnia, she tells you to destroy the meteorite. Bitch I am a child. But you ride Rayquaza into space and shatter the meteoroid! Yay, we won! It’s over! I can sleep now!

No you can’t. 

There’s more. 

Deoxys was in the meteorite, and you have to battle it.

Once you catch Deoxys, you return to Sky Pillar on Pasta Noodle and Aster gives you a goodbye letter from Zinnia. You throw it away because you don’t care. She caused you nothing but trouble and you just want a nap. 

And you get your nap. Your journey is over. Thanks for reading Pokemon Alpha Sapphire: Oversimplified.


End file.
